Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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