i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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