Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
