well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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