Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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