dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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