He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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