no, he came in my armpit
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
