hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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