Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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