i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
