I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
