You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
