Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
