In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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