WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
