do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
