I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
