she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
