bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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