now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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