Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
