My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
