how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
