To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
