is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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