Princesses don't give blow jobs
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
