that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drake has all the answers
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
