My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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