On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
