I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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