How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
