hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
