Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
