3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
