apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
