My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
