Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
