it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
