Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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