Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
