I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
