don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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