Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
