my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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