Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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