saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
