this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
