Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
