areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
